New year, new month, new chances

The new year is just barely upon us - I'm sure most of the party-goers are still partying, and the bars are far from closing - but I am awake, and wanted to get this down.  

in 2013 I'm not going to do all-or-nothing resolutions.  Instead, I'm going to set some goals each month, and see what happens.  I'm starting January off with a bang by attempting four different things.  

So how's that working out for you?

In a recent post, I mentioned "I sometimes know my limits, and the morning after a full day of traipsing around the southern half of the state only leaves me feeling a little over-extended.  but there are times I push it, and must face the consequences, or the roulette wheel lands on "sucks to be you" and a low-key afternoon stroll sends me to flare-city."  Guess which side of the coin came up after yesterday's adventure?  

ooof.  

It could be worse.  It could be so much worse.  But I still find myself getting angry that a day of walking around (in the cold or not) leaves me feeling so beat up.  "It's not faaaaiiiir!" i want to whine to anyone who will listen.  But what IS fair?  

I made myself get dressed and leave the house today.  I knew that it'd be far too easy to waste the day on the couch, napping and wallowing in self-pity despite how amazing yesterday was.  Besides, I had some things I needed (new wiper blades and a headlight bulb for the car, some groceries), some things I wanted (big 50% off sale at Jo-Ann! woo!), and some things I really should've done but just didn't happen (visit my stepbrother, sister-in-law, and nieces who are in town).  I thought about pushing myself to fit in the visit, but after the grocery store, I knew I was running out of spoons and needed to get myself home.  Yes, it sucks.  the non-perishables are still on the kitchen floor, waiting to be put away, and I haven't had the oompf to tackle the car stuff.  

Do I regret yesterday's outing?  Heck no!  I'm still gushing about it to anyone who will listen!  

Would I do things differently next time?  Yes, probably.  I could find more opportunities to sit down and rest my sore foot.  I could take some time to stretch and flex and bend so my back/hips/knees don't stay so stiff.  I could remember to take some ibuprofen at lunch and/or dinner.  I could also suggest we split up for a bit, so he can move at his own (faster) pace.     

So, I will try again another day.  This stepbrother and his family live a reasonable driving distance away, so paying them a visit at a later date is doable.  The groceries will get put away after I post this entry.  I'll tackle the car stuff tomorrow when the sun is out and it's a bit warmer and I can back the car out of the garage.  I'll take my meds, and get a good night's sleep tonight, and start fresh tomorrow.

Lights, Camera, Snowfall

Never thought I'd visit a zoo in the dead of winter, but today I did just that.  I also didn't realize that the zoos do things up big for the holidays.  guess I should leave the house more, eh?

We got a nice blanket of snow on Wednesday.  I suggested to my friend that we drive around and look at Christmas lights.  He suggested we hit up the Columbus Zoo for their Wildlights thing.  The more we talked about it, the more we realized we should just make a day of it, so today we did!  He brought his camera gear, and we spent the afternoon enjoying the zoo exhibits in near-solitude.

It was cold, but not unbearable.  we had a nice light snowfall for most of the day, more noticeable when we were standing still.  the zoo was impressively decked out with lights.   It was really kinda strange to go through an entire exhibit and only see two other non-employees, but it was wonderful to have the place mostly to ourselves for a time.

I think I would've been happy to just walk around the grounds and admire the lights and the snow before the crowds came out; the animals were a nice bonus.  I haven't been to a zoo in 14-odd years, so this was a treat.

The light show was the usual choreographed stuff; the sheer volume of lights was more impressive to me.  We his paydirt on a little side path, where some low shrubs were covered with multi-colored lights and a blanket of snow.  The glow was beautiful, and my friend got some amazing shots.

I needed this, a day out, moving around, my mind on other things.  I needed to laugh, and make snowballs, and marvel at the world outside of my little bubble.  It was good to forget about the dirty dishes and the "check engine" light and the unfolded laundry and unfinished Christmas gifts.  It feels so good to get out there and live; why is it so hard to make myself do it?

Reboot

So, let's try this again.  a new year (soon, anyway), a new try at this blogging thing.  I keep a journal, and have for years, but this space is different.  I want to write more deliberately, on a particular topic, rather than brain-dumping or venting my spleen.

Hanne's post about having a body practice, in addition to my new year philosophy of "use it or lose it" got me thinking ... so here I am, blogging again.

quite simply, my body practice would be "use it or lose it".  Weight loss, firming, toning, improved cardio-vascular stamina and a smaller backside may all be a natural result, but quite simply, I need to move this body of mine.  I have a desk job, and the current incarnation of said desk job has me staring at a computer screen with little cause to move anything but my mouse-hand, for hours at a stretch.  (Previously I could count "stuffing envelopes" as an upper-body workout, alternated with delivering mail and packages for cardio and flitting around as everyone's beck-and-call girl).  When I do managed to stand and move, I'm like the Tin Woodsman after a rainstorm: creaky and crunchy and whimpering "oil can" between clenched jaws.

I talk myself out of moving because it'll hurt, or I don't feel good, or whatever lame excuse sounds good at the moment.  But when I move, I feel good.  If I'm doing something fun in the process (splashing in the pool, tromping around cemeteries with my friend, shooting hoops with the boys), I laugh, I enjoy myself, the pain fades from my thoughts and maybe, just maybe, I forget everything that's wrong with me.  When I get home, I gush about what a great time I had, and then I sleep soundly and usually wake up feeling rested and content in a way that currently eludes me.

Yes, sometimes I wake up feeling like I've been hit by a truck.  It's part of the package deal that is living in this body.  I sometimes know my limits, and the morning after a full day of traipsing around the southern half of the state only leaves me feeling a little over-extended.  but there are times I push it, and must face the consequences, or the roulette wheel lands on "sucks to be you" and a low-key afternoon stroll sends me to flare-city.

July through October were good months for me, socially.  I had plans nearly every weekend with my friend, and we went on all manner of adventures.  He taught me to make homemade pasta, and took me to hand-feed hummingbirds.  I dragged him through my childhood, past the various homes of long-dead relatives and packed us picnic lunches and manned the GPS (dubbed Christine) as we hunted down various roadside oddities.  And i've loved every second of it.  i want more of this, this living my life.  Is 41 too late to begin living?

So, with that, I am going to take Hanne's challenge.  my body practice is going to be to move my body. How do I want it to feel?  I want it to feel like I'm alive.