Reboot

So, let's try this again.  a new year (soon, anyway), a new try at this blogging thing.  I keep a journal, and have for years, but this space is different.  I want to write more deliberately, on a particular topic, rather than brain-dumping or venting my spleen.

Hanne's post about having a body practice, in addition to my new year philosophy of "use it or lose it" got me thinking ... so here I am, blogging again.

quite simply, my body practice would be "use it or lose it".  Weight loss, firming, toning, improved cardio-vascular stamina and a smaller backside may all be a natural result, but quite simply, I need to move this body of mine.  I have a desk job, and the current incarnation of said desk job has me staring at a computer screen with little cause to move anything but my mouse-hand, for hours at a stretch.  (Previously I could count "stuffing envelopes" as an upper-body workout, alternated with delivering mail and packages for cardio and flitting around as everyone's beck-and-call girl).  When I do managed to stand and move, I'm like the Tin Woodsman after a rainstorm: creaky and crunchy and whimpering "oil can" between clenched jaws.

I talk myself out of moving because it'll hurt, or I don't feel good, or whatever lame excuse sounds good at the moment.  But when I move, I feel good.  If I'm doing something fun in the process (splashing in the pool, tromping around cemeteries with my friend, shooting hoops with the boys), I laugh, I enjoy myself, the pain fades from my thoughts and maybe, just maybe, I forget everything that's wrong with me.  When I get home, I gush about what a great time I had, and then I sleep soundly and usually wake up feeling rested and content in a way that currently eludes me.

Yes, sometimes I wake up feeling like I've been hit by a truck.  It's part of the package deal that is living in this body.  I sometimes know my limits, and the morning after a full day of traipsing around the southern half of the state only leaves me feeling a little over-extended.  but there are times I push it, and must face the consequences, or the roulette wheel lands on "sucks to be you" and a low-key afternoon stroll sends me to flare-city.

July through October were good months for me, socially.  I had plans nearly every weekend with my friend, and we went on all manner of adventures.  He taught me to make homemade pasta, and took me to hand-feed hummingbirds.  I dragged him through my childhood, past the various homes of long-dead relatives and packed us picnic lunches and manned the GPS (dubbed Christine) as we hunted down various roadside oddities.  And i've loved every second of it.  i want more of this, this living my life.  Is 41 too late to begin living?

So, with that, I am going to take Hanne's challenge.  my body practice is going to be to move my body. How do I want it to feel?  I want it to feel like I'm alive.